


Chaos in Order and Toasts to Lost Loves

by mundaneone



Series: Partners in Crime [2]
Category: Batman (Movies - Nolan)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-22
Updated: 2011-12-22
Packaged: 2017-10-27 18:39:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/298830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mundaneone/pseuds/mundaneone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: Joker needs to re-dye his hair<br/>Originally posted on LJ 09/11/08</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chaos in Order and Toasts to Lost Loves

He was in the kitchen with Rachel and they were cleaning the dinner dishes.  The sun was setting and the few rays that filtered in from the blinds lit up her face and that soft smile of hers that he loved so much.  In the background he could hear the sound of Scooby-Doo and their son’s childish laughter.  He smiled because this was the life he had always wanted, the perfect world.

 

“Harvey?”

 

That hadn’t sounded like Rachel.  He frowned and looked over at his wife.  She was still wearing that serine expression, but she looked paler, faded.  Hadn’t she heard that?

 

“Harvey…?”

 

He whipped around, the plate crashing to the ground.  In the background Rachel continued to dry the plate in her hand.  Where was that coming from?  The sound of the TV had become muted, and he could no longer hear his son’s laughter.

 

“Harv~ey?”

 

God what?  Where was that _coming from_? 

 

“Come on _Harv~ey_ , wakey wakey…”

 

He startled up on the couch, hands flailing and landing in a death grip on the back.  Wide, startled and sleep muddled eyes whipped around wildly until they landed on the Joker who was leaning over the back of the couch to peer at him.  Upon seeing that he had Harvey’s attention the Joker’s painted lips split into a wide smile.

 

“There he is.  Good _morning_ Harv~ey.  Did you have a ni _ce_ nap-ah?”

 

Harvey blinked up at the clown, eyes wide and almost childlike as he took in where and when he was.  He frowned, “I was dreaming.”

 

The Joker nodded enthusiastically, “Yes, oh _yes_ indeedy you were, Harv~ey.” 

 

A long moment in which the Joker continued to stare at him and Harvey sat on the couch looking mussed and confused before the burned man looked back up at the clown.  “You woke me.  Why?” 

 

“Ah,” a smile, “I am so~ glad you asked, Harvey.  You see,” and the Joker started to root through that damn purple coat of his, “a man like me has certain… heh, _needs_ that uh-heh, need to be tended to.”

 

Harvey frowned, puzzled.  “What?  You want to fuck?  Why didn’t you just _say that_?” and then quieter, “It’s not like we haven’t done it before…”

 

Laughter, “no-no-no Harv~ey!  As much as I, heh, _enjoy_ our, hehe, little uh… _escapades_ this need is much simpler.”  And then the Joker was pressing something into Harvey’s hand.  With a bemused frown Harvey looked down at what the Joker had given him.

 

It made him laugh.

 

“ _Hair dye_?   You want me to help you dye your hair?  What is this, a sleepover?”  

 

The clown cackled, a mad sound that used to give Harvey endless headaches.  The Joker leaned further over the couch, so far that it was doubtful the creature was even connected to the ground any longer.  Harvey skittered back so that he’s sitting fully up now.  They have been working together for a while now and the Joker has been a fairly regular presence in his apartment since that first job at Wayne’s.   The Joker didn’t seem as mad now, as terrifying but that sure as Hell didn’t mean that Harvey was comfortable having the bastard looming over him like that.

 

“Fine fine, ok.”  It wasn’t like he had anything better to do.  The pretty much just lounged around Harvey’s apartment until the clown got bored enough to want to cause some mayhem and then they were off robbing banks, blowing up buildings… that sort of stuff.

 

All things considered this was probably the sanest thing the damn clown had ever asked Harvey to do.

 

There was nothing in the apartment that would be any worse off by getting covered in green hair dye but old habits, the habits of the normal man Harvey used to be, die hard and he herded the jittery, cackling madman into the bathroom because that’s where people do these sorts of things.

 

His bathroom is ridiculously small.  The two of them barely fit but eventually Harvey managed to get the Joker to sit down and stop squirming on the toilet seat.  The Joker just laughed, giggled like a damn girl and clapped his hands as Harvey attempted to get everything set up.

 

He’s an orderly man and not even the Joker was able to change that.

 

Harvey read the directions slowly, trying to make sure he wasn’t going to fuck this up.  Although even if he did it wasn’t like anyone would really notice. 

 

“It says you’re supposed to lighten your hair first to get a better color.”  He glanced at the Joker who was just staring at him with a deadpan expression and Harvey realized how ridiculous that sounded.  It wasn’t like the Joker’s going for stylish here.

 

He shook his head, “Why do you even bother dying it at all?  You’re just going to get it coated in blood later.”

 

A hand shot out and snagged a hold of his T-shirt before Harvey was even aware the clown had moved.  A sickly smile spread across the painted lips.  “Harvey, Harvey, Harvey haven’t you learned anything?  It’s all about _presentation_.”

 

His good eye flicked up to look at the Joker a little closer.  “There’s nothing scary about the hair.  Nothing scary about the makeup.  What they’re afraid of, what makes them cower in their homes and keep the guns under their pillows has nothing to do with how you look.”  He leaned in closer, easing the strain on his clothing, “it’s you.  That crazy as fuck little mind of yours that makes them scream and cry and beg.  This,” he tossed the bottle of hair dye in his hand absently, “is a silly little gimmick that amuses you.  There’s no point in it.”

 

The Joker’s eyes were so dark they looked as black as the makeup that encased them.  “That there, Harvey, is enough reason to keep right on doing it.”

 

A moment of silence and then Harvey shrugged because, what the hell, it made sense in a weird Joker way. 

 

With a resigned sigh Harvey snapped on a pair of rubber gloves and set about mixing the dye.  Soft titters and giggles and the Joker was a twitchy mass beside him.  Harvey wondered if the Joker was capable of being still.

 

“You got up to something while I was sleeping, didn’t you?”

 

If he didn’t know better Harvey would swear that the Joker had fangs by how sharp the smile looked.  “Oh ye~s, Harv~ey.  I did indeed.”  A beat, “Do you want to guess what it was?  Come on, guess.  Guess, guess, guess!”

 

“Did you beat a pregnant woman until her baby fell out and then strangle her to death with its umbilical cord?” 

 

There was a long moment of silence in which the Joker seemed to be trying to figure out if Harvey was joking or if that was a serious guess.  Finally, “Noooo~.  Come on, guess.”

 

Harvey rolled his eyes.  He had rather liked that last guess, thought it was right on with what the damn clown would get up to.  He paused, frowned and his movement stilled.  “What’s today?”

 

Black, far too black eyes peered up at him from beneath hair that had probably been washed for the first time in weeks.  “What day do you think it is Harv~ey?” 

 

With deceptive calm Harvey settled the mixing bowl on the sink and leaned into the clown’s face.

 

“Rachel died today.  What. Did. You. Do?” 

 

Mad cackles.  “I left her flowers Harv~ey.  Honest, honest, honest!  Pretty ones… really, really pretty ones.  Just like pretty little Rachel, the color of that nice little number she was wearing that night I first crashed Bruce~y boy’s snob fest.”  Those impossibly dark eyes seared Harvey’s soul as the bore into him.  “And then I set them on fire.”

 

For a long moment Harvey couldn’t breathe passed the rage.  But he breathed deeply and reminded himself that the Joker was nothing more than a mad dog, that the clown “just did things” because he liked the rise they caused.  Rachel wouldn’t have wanted the Joker’s flowers anyway.  Better the little shit had burned them.

 

“So long as no babies died in the process.”  He picked the bowl back up and jerked his elbow at the crappy shower.  “Get your hair damp.  Not wet.  _Damp_.”

 

The Joker pouted, looking grievously put out that Harvey hadn’t risen to the bait.  Looked like his fucking day had just been ruined, actually.  From rabid dog to kicked puppy in a matter of seconds.  Harvey gave himself an imaginary pat on the back. 

 

The knobs of the shower groaned and protested loudly when the clown reached over and turned them.  Harvey watched and mentally shook his head as the Joker ducked his head under the undoubtedly cold spray, makeup and clothes and all. 

 

“You’re going to want to take that stuff off.”

 

The Joker’s eyes were like glittering coals when the clown snapped his head around tos tare at him.  “Feeling frisky Harv~ey?” 

 

Harvey punched him in the jaw, hard.  It didn’t matter if it hurt or not and the Joker leaned backwards and laughed and laughed.  But he took his damn cloths off so it must have gotten the message through just fine.  The Joker was sitting on the damn toilet seat, hands resting on the rim between his legs and wearing nothing but stupid checkered boxers.  Harvey grabbed a towel without checking to see which one it is, they’re all trash anyway, and chucked it at the Joker halfheartedly. 

 

“Put that on.”

 

And miracle of miracles the fucker actually did as he’s told. 

 

They lapse into silence as Harvey parted the damn hair into sections and set about applying the dye.  The Joker is twitchy under his hands but Harvey can’t bring himself to care.  They’ll go out and slaughter some kittens later or something, that’ll take some of the edge off of the clown’s insanity.

 

Not that the Joker would ever admit he was insane.  He preferred… what had he said?  “Ahead of the curve.”  The next step in human evolution was the fucking Joker.  Harvey was perfectly happy being a lower life form in that case, thank you. 

 

The dye had been applied as evenly as it was going to get and for a moment Harvey debated whether or not to just leave the Joker there and go back to his nap.  One look at the Joker’s eyes and he was settling onto the rim of the bathtub.

 

“We’re supposed to leave it in for a half hour.”

 

The Joker didn’t respond but Harvey didn’t care.  He pulled his coin from his pocket and rolled it across his knuckles restlessly.  Back and forth back and forth over and over again.  A calloused hand slapped onto the back of his hand and the Joker pulled away with Harvey’s coin clutched in his fist.  When Harvey looked up at his (friend? Lover?) companion the Joker was staring intently at the coin, as though trying to see if it would speak to him like it spoke to Harvey.

 

“Your obsession with chance is ridiculous Harvey.”

 

He moved to take his coin back, and was not really all that surprised when the Joker simply shifted so that it was out of his reach.  Harvey’s good eye narrowed but he sat back and resigned himself to whatever the Joker had in mind.

 

“It’s no more ridiculous than your obsession with chaos.  Chance, chaos they’re both universal constants.”

 

 

“O~k Harv~ey.  Conv _ince_ me.  Tell me about your, hehe, Chance.” 

 

His good eye narrowed but Harvey obliged because the Joker had his coin and… and… well he just didn’t feel up to denying the other man.  “Chance is the ultimate equalizer.  It takes people, all people and makes them the same.  Good or evil, young or old, male or female.  If everything is left up to chance there is no room for hate, because it was chance and not someone else’s fault.  Chance isn’t tangible… you can’t hate chance, can’t blame chance.  It makes everything _fair_.  Perfectly, uniformly fair.” 

 

During Harvey’s little spiel the Joker had nodded his head continuously, as though agreeing with every word.  Harvey wanted to punch him again for the blatant lie he could see in the clown’s eyes.  “What about me~eh Harv?  What does Chance have to say about me?”

 

“It said you get to live.”

 

The Joker leaned down and Harvey could smell the dye on him.  Harvey shifted, trying to make sure none of it got on him.  “For how long, huh, hehe.  Harv~ey how long does the Joker get to keep playing?”

 

He frowned, unsure.  The Joker was a volatile creature, could be brought down at any given moment from one means or another.  “Depends on your luck.”

 

Cackles.  “I have~uh great lu _ck_ Harv~ey or don’t you remember?” 

 

“I remember.”  This time when Harvey held his hand out the Joker dropped the coin into his waiting palm.

 

A heavy sigh and the Joker tipped himself backwards so that he was nearly bent in half.  Harvey automatically looped an arm around him to serve as an anchor for whatever it was the damn clown was getting up to.  Harvey stuffed his coin back in his picket and checked his watch.  “Ten minutes.”  The Joker rolled his neck, still bent back double and Harvey’s eyes tracked the drops of dye that landed on the floor.  They made pretty little green splatters. 

 

“You’re going to get dye all over, stop fucking squirming.” 

 

The Joker is like a damn old movie, all jerky motion.  His limbs twitch and shift and it seemed like half his motions are missing, like someone cut the frames from the film.  He jerked forward so that he was panting in Harvey’s face.  Images flashed through Harvey’s mind in small snippets and they burned. 

 

He remembered another time the Joker had been in his lap.  And it had had nothing to do with hair dye.

 

The Joker wound himself around Harvey like he was the clown’s personal body pillow and that damned pink tongue flicked out and laved a streak up the good side of Harvey’s face.  It was unusual but not unheard of for them to fuck for no other reason than because they could.

 

Still it took Harvey completely by surprise when the Joker pressed a firm hand to Harvey’s groin.

 

“Tell me more about Chance Harvey.”  The Joker twisted his wrist _just so_ and Harvey bit back a groan.  “Tell m~e.”

 

 Harvey glared, snarled wordlessly before he managed to rein the rage back in.  He swallowed thickly, forcing back all those nasty little thoughts that danced in his head.  “The Batman doesn’t play fair…” Harvey said after a pause, “He doesn’t like to play fair.  If we all did things The Batman’s way nothing would be fair… it’d be completely and utterly biased.  There is no chaos in the way The Batman does things either, you know.”  Harvey frowned his thoughts swirling in his mind like thick black smoke, “Chance is so much more… chaotic.  It’s chaotic in its order.”  He looks up and the clown’s eyes are dilated and the brown has been swallowed whole and they looks so black, blacker than The Batman’s cape, blacker than the smog in Harvey’s head.

 

Blacker than his heart had become when he’d seen The Bat step inside the warehouse that day so long ago.

 

Harvey thought he may just hate the color. 

 

“Chaotic in it’s order huh?”  The Joker licked his lips, a quick snake-like gesture.  “Well, well Harvey…”

 

He didn’t want to have this conversation.  “Time’s up.  Come on get off,” at the snickers the clown gave out Harvey rolled his eyes, “I mean get off of me.” 

 

Manic laughter let Harvey know perfectly well that the Joker wasn’t taking him seriously but the mad man obliged and slithered off of Harvey to fiddle with the knobs on the shower.  When the clown had slipped off his boxers and hopped under the spray Harvey turned to take his leave. 

 

A fist clenched in the back of his wife-beater and he was hauled backward with a swift jerk.  He toppled over the tub edge and landed scrunched painfully on the shower floor, clothing getting soaked and glaring menacingly up at the naked man who was cackling insanely and bent over like his body couldn’t take it.

 

“Yeah real mature asshole.” 

 

The Joker laughed harder and Harvey gave a defeated sigh and clambered to his feet.  He yanked his top off and flung it out of the stall, it landed with a wet sloshing sound. 

 

Finally the chuckles were dwindling and the Joker was saying something.  Harvey half listened as he unbuttoned his pants and shoved them off.  “See Harv there you go leaving a job unfinished again.  Really you said you’d hel~pah me.  So come on Harv~ey boy, finish the job.”

 

A dry look from Harvey’s good eye.  “Is there something you want to say?” 

 

“Oh _no_ Harv~ey nothing _at all_.” 

 

“I didn’t think so.”  And then he shoved hard against the Joker’s chest and the clown yelped in surprise when he was slammed against the moldy tiling.  He didn’t stay surprised long; even before his back had made contact with the cold tile the laughter was spilling out anew. 

 

“Ooh Harv~ey!”  In a drawn out theatrical moan. 

 

Let the Joker mock all the wanted.  Harvey had been around him long enough to know that the Joker blended more truth into his lies than he liked to think.  The clown wanted to fuck, had probably been wanting to since he’d woken Harvey earlier.  That was fine; Harvey didn’t mind giving the Joker exactly what he wanted.

 

He’d already handed over his soul what difference did his body really make?

 

Besides… it was a little late for him to start acting repulsed by the idea.  He had fucked the damn laughing maniac practically the first time he saw him again after Rachel.

 

God… his poor Rachel… and he was about fuck her murderer on the anniversary of her death.

 

Oh Harvey… see how far you’ve fallen? 

 

His self loathing made him shove the Joker a bit harder than he’d intended but the clown just kept laughing and rubbing his groin to Harvey’s that he figured it didn’t really matter all that much anyway.  But before moving on to more… pleasurable activities…

 

He was almost out of shampoo.  The Joker made odd little grumbling noises when Harvey lathered up the hair and shoved the clown’s head further under the spray. 

 

Harvey’s lips spread into a grin, “Just finishing what I started.”

 

And the Joker laughed and his fingers teased Harvey’s cock, “See Harvey, I knew you weren’t as serious as all those other schemers.  Knew you had too much _potential_ for all that.”

 

A noncommittal grunt and Harvey rinsed away the suds.  They should use conditioner, but that was something Harvey had long ago stopped buying.  He didn’t need to look pretty; he _couldn’t_ look pretty with the half charred flesh of his face so there wasn’t much point in the fluffed hair thing anymore.

 

The last of the bubbles met their doom in the drain and Harvey latched onto the Joker’s hips and shoved the clown against the wall.  The Joker laughed and thrust against him, raising his legs and looping them around Harvey’s waist.

 

Harvey really, really hoped he didn’t lose his footing in the slick tub.

 

The water was cold now, the apartment didn’t come with the best utilities and it felt like they were being pelted by thousands of tiny icicles.  Like little daggers made all the more lethal by the rising heat of their bodies. 

 

Now Harvey really wished he had the conditioner, it would have made great lube.

 

The last of his shampoo gave its life to their depraved act.  Only a few swift slick jerks of the goop onto his cock and then Harvey was thrusting inside.

 

The moaned laughter echoed across the walls, like there were a million Joker’s all laughing at him and Harvey jerked his hips harder, pushing himself in deeper, desperate to drown out the sound. 

 

And he wanted to think of Rachel, of poor pretty Rachel because today should be a day to wrap himself in her memory and remember that he loves her.  But all he could think of was how hot and tight the Joker felt around his cock, of the slick wet slide of their bodies.  He thought of blood, of hair-dye and gasoline and _god_ it was the best thing in the world.

 

The Joker’s tongue dug painfully into the burned half of Harvey’s face, jerking his attention back instantly.  The impossibly dark eyes look like they’re crying black tears and Harvey resisted the urge to brush the running makeup away.

 

That’s too intimate.

 

 Breathless laughter and the Joker’s ragged nails dug into Harvey’s arms.  Harvey winced and secretly loved the biting pain; it scolded him for his unfaithfulness.  He pressed the Joker harder to the wall and used his free hand to clutch at the Joker’s cock.  It didn’t take long, a few harsh jerks and the clown came apart in his arms.

 

They never acted like anything was different afterwards.  The icy water didn’t do much but they washed themselves off anyway and stepped out of the shower together like it was the most natural thing in the world.  The Joker pulled his clothing back on, snickering the entire time, and Harvey headed to grab some dry clothing from his room. 

 

He fetched the scotch and a glass, sat on the couch and turned his TV, probably the only halfway decent thing in the place, to one of Rachel’s favorite channels.  He sat there and stared at the screen and mourned.  And for some unknown reason the Joker settled himself next to Harvey and stared at the flashing images and didn’t say a word.

 

“To lost loves.”  Harvey muttered and tipped the drink back and relishing in the burn. 

 

 And the Joker didn’t say anything and Harvey thought that was the damn best toast he had ever heard in his life. 

 


End file.
